Doug Goodman

Not for the first time, last night I got really jealous of my daughter because of the kinds of electives she can choose.  She will be going into high school next year, so Mrs. Badass and I were reviewing my daughter's coursework.  We also started looking at high school classes in general.  Some of the electives she can choose to take included a half-semester study of Shakespeare or Horror or Science Fiction/Fantasy Literature.  Makes you want to go back to high school, doesn't it?  Horror Lit has to be the coolest class at Clear Falls High School, hands down.  There is no way it can't be.  Right from the point where you enter the classroom, it will be cooler because the Horror Lit teacher will have the best classroom decorations.  Can you imagine?  Instead of that wavey border that seems to be en mode with teachers everywhere, the Horror Lit teacher uses a border with bloody blades and axes and every weapon ever used in a Stephen King book.  Instead of busts of Shakespeare, the Horror Lit teacher could just have fake heads hanging from the ceiling.  And instead of posters inspiring kids to read or stay off drugs, the Horror Lit teach (cause he's too cool to be a teacher) would have posters of Freddy and Jason.  (Okay, not technically literature, but still horror.)  The possibilities are endless!

Maybe your high school sucked and you didn't get to take interesting classes.  I went to Lubbock High School, the coolest high school on the planet because on Fridays you got to take cool classes like Star Trek movies and Meditation.  I can personally attest to Star Trek Movies as being much more interesting than Algebra I or US Government.  A class like Horror Lit would fit right in at LHS (obviously it would have to be a full-time classroom and not just for Fridays). 

This all got me thinking, though.  Maybe it's time to be a teacher.  I am generally against it, but if I was in charge of Horror Lit, nobody would ever want to take another class.  You would begin with Poe (duh!) and read The Pit and the Pendulum, The Casque of Amontillado, and The Murders of the Rue Morgue.  Dracula (double-duh!).  How you teach a Horror Lit class and not include Lovecraft is beyond me.  The Dunwich Horror, The Thing on the Doorstep, and The Mountains of Madness.  Richard Mattheson and I am Legend.  Probably the biggest decision is which Stephen King book to read.  I know that critically it is a no-brainer.  You read The Stand.  But I think in recent years, The Shining is starting to become more appreciated for its deconstruction of a modern family and for being the ultimate "haunted house" ghost story despite being located in a hotel).  Of course, I have always been partial to Carrie, and it might fit in better with the rest of the collection.

Think of how you can present the texts to students.  You can talk about the roles of women in Horror from Nina Harker in Dracula to Ruth in I am Legend to Carrie or Wendy Torrance in The Shining.  Another thing that would be cool to talk about is narrative.  Carrie, Lovecraft, and Bram Stoker's Dracula all use the same kind of journalistic narrative.  You can even compare that to modern horror cinema with its shaky cams and "found footage" movement.  Other possble topics are how tension is built, or the use of "gore," which is more of a late-twentieth century thing.

I can already hear a high school kid in the back room complaining that this course has no zombies.  Come to the front, son, and listen to the teach.  There is only so much schedule in a half-semester class.  I already have three books on the list (although I am Legend and Carrie are short books).  I don't have room for zombie books.  But I am the coolest teacher ever, so I think I have a solution.  I am going to steal something from my old World Lit teacher, who made everybody in the class at one point in the semester give an oral presentation on some topic.  (Mine was Metallica, which I could talk about for at least 2-3 hours.)  For the Horror Lit class, the only stipulation would be that it has to be related to horror.  So the student who wants to disect World War Z or the Walking Dead?  Be my guest.  See, I'm the coolest teacher in the world, homie!  Four shizzles out of five.

Okay, so now that I have described the absolute coolest class in the world, my question to you is - how would you teach a Horror Lit class and what would you assign for the reading list?  Or what class would you teach instead?

The days have been mostly wet and grey and dreary for the past couple of days, the kind of weather for book-reading.  My recent reads have had that same kind of dreary grey feel to them.

Princess of Mars -- Probably the brightest of the bunch, but like Edgar Rice Burroughs' other famous book, Tarzan of the Apes, it has a depressing end.  (I assume that like most of the Tarzan movies, teh ending will be changed in the upcoming John Carter movie.)  Thankfully, Burroughs wrote more books.

Stargazing Dog -- (Spoiler alert!) This graphic novel by Takashi Murakami, is kind of like a Charlie Brown special, if after everything Charlie Brown went through, at the end of the special, he and Snoopy died.  It is a beautiful story, but also kind of a downer.

Black Hills -- One of Dan Simmons' more recent books, and one of my favorites.  Unfortunately, the main character feels responsible for the death of most of the people around him and feels responsible for the death of his people, so also a bit of a downer.  The dialogues between Papa Saha and the ghost of Custer are some of the most memorable scenes of the book, and I wish there was more with the two of them in it.   For a horse of a different flavor, I recommend Custer's Brother's Horse, by Edwin Shrake.

So, my question to you:  do you know of any uplifting, feel-good books?  These are all very good books, and I am glad to have read them, but I am ready for something a little brighter right now.  Do you know of one?  Or maybe just a funny, clever book?  My Kindle is waiting.  (In the meantime, I am reading the Burroughs follow-up, Gods of Mars.)

Santa brought me lots of goodies for Christmas this year.  I got a Camelbak MULE, the latest volume of The Walking Dead, Season 1 of Sons of Anarchy, some cool Texans and Longhorns shirts, and Star Wars Action Figures.  You heard that last one right.  They were awesome!  I now have a Boba Fett, a Yoda, and a Sandtrooper to add to my collection (which is the Snowtrooper, Darth Vader, Grievous, and Darth Maul, not to mention a few Spawns, Avatars, and Battle Beasts, if your mind goes back that far...). 

The Boba Fett came with an offer for ANOTHER FREE Boba Fett, and I thought, "What could be better than one Boba Fett, but TWO Boba Fetts!"  In true toy world protocol, all I needed was to collect Proofs of Purchase for five Star Wars Action Figures.  Well, I already had three, and I wanted to get a "Tattooine Sandtrooper" action figure because the generic Sandtrooper apparently isn't good enough for the orange shoulderguard, so I was ready to go down to Wal-Mart and pick up two more.  But then I read the fine print, and in a deal that sounded just as crummy as the Lil Orphan Annie Secret Society Decoder Pin scandal, all I had to do was send the Proofs of Purchase plus $7 for the free Boba Fett.  I asked my wife, "Hey, babe, how much did you pay for these?"  "About six bucks."

This is one deal that can be thrown into the Pit of Sarlacc... 

Sub-Title:  My (super)Heroes Have Always Been Foreigners

Chirstmas vacation is the time for minds to wander, and mine has always wondered about this.  For the past 5-10 years (and the foreseeable future), our superheroes have been played by foreigners.  This is not to say that the films are unAmerican or to make an anti-immigration statement.  It's just an observation and a question.  Here are a few recent and soon-to-be silver screen superheroes, the actors who play them, and their country of birth:

Green Lantern played by Ryan Reynolds.  Canadian.

Thor played by Chris Hemsworth.  Australian.

Wolverine.  Hugh Jackman.  Australian.

Batman.  Christian Bale.  Welsh.

Spiderman.  Andrew Garfield.  Born in the US, but raised in the UK.

The Hulk.  Eric Bana.  Australian.

Professor X.  Patrick Stewart.  British.  Soon to be played by James McAvoy, who was born in Scotland.

Magneto.  Ian Malcolm.  British.  Soon to be played by Michael Fassbender, who was born in Germany.

Note:  I really hate listing X-Men in there.  By nature of the comic book, it seems kind of natural for the actors to be international. 

Greatest American Hero

But why aren't Americans playing superheroes anymore?  Are Americans just not good superheroes?  Maybe this has something to do with it:

Superman.  Brandon Routh.  Who?

Catwoman.  Halle Barry.  Really?

Blade.  Wesley Snipes.  (The good one was directed by Guillermo del Toro (Mexico) and the funnest one co-starred that Canadian...)

Not all American actors have had such hard luck playing superheroes.  Of course, there was Christopher Reeves playing Superman and Michael Keaton playing Bruce Wayne.  But even now, Americans have done some good things in tights:

Iron Man.  Robert Downey, Jr.  (It is not beyond me to note that Downey is reprising his role as Britain's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes.)

Spiderman (not so long ago).  Tobey Maguire. 

The Incredible Hulk.  Edward Norton.  (Soon to be Mark Ruffalo.)

As we move further away from DC and Marvel's major recurring superheroes, we find more Americans...

Hellboy.  Ron Perlman.  (Famously directed by Guillermo del Toro.)

Constantine.  Keanu Reeves.  (Note:  in the comics, John Constantine is British.)

Ghost Rider.  Nicolas Cage.

The Watchmen.  Generally American. 

I like that film is becoming more international.  I like that Hollywood goes beyond its borders to bring in talent.  But I have to wonder why so many of the big roles are going to generally British or Australian actors.  Keep in mind that minorities in superhero cinema have yet to really be seen as anything more than the sidekick.  So our actors are still white, just not from America. 

Do we not want Americans playing superheroes?  Do we prefer our heroes come from another continent?  Is this somehow tied to American diplomacy since 9/11?  Or is it a sign that the world is getting smaller due to the Internet and world-wide media?  Or is this just a fad that I am overanalyzing because I am on Christmas vacation?  I do not have the answer.  But I am hoping that Chris Evans (from Boston, Massachusetts) gives a stellar performance as Captain America. 

It rocked.  It was awesome.  I loved it.  The Walking Dead doesn't need me to gush about it, but I can't help it.  I had high hopes for this series, and the first season fulfilled the expectations.  Sure, the series had some misfires.  All in all, though, it was one of the best things on television, and the first time in a while that I've looked forward to Sunday evening programming.  I am already looking forward to next season.  I hope that some of the stuff that was removed in Season 1 will make an appearance in Season 2. 

SOA is great, great character drama.  Sons isn't a series.  It is "event" television, which I really dig.  My only complaint is that I did not like how the season ended for Agent Stahl.  Just me, but I'm sure others feel differently.  I can't wait for the next act of "Hamlet on Harleys."

There you go.  Two basic cable programs.  Two of the best series on TV. 

If you are like me, then Halloween this year has an extra-added bonus.  I am really excited that "The Walking Dead" will premiere on AMC on Halloween night.  Even cooler, the first episode will be written and directed by Frank Darabont, who has a habit of turning great Stephen King stories into excellent cinema.

I am really curious to see Darabont's take on Rick and his apocalypse-surviving Pequod.  However, I have some concerns about how it will translate to the small screen.  Here are six hopes for "The Walking Dead:"

1.  Stick to the Story.  No matter what you see me write from this point forward, number one has got to be sticking to the story.  Robert Kirkman has created a very textured story in his comic books.  (Yes, if you have not heard, The Walking Dead is based on a stellar comic book.)  Sticking close to the material will be really important to the hardcore fans, but will keep the storytelling arcs that are its foundation.

2.  Reduce People.  No, I don't mean reduce the cast, though there are many, many characters in "The Walking Dead" comics.  But in the books, when a person receives a gash, it stays with them.  No mutant healing power here.  A good example is how in Volume 12 (I buy the volumes), one character wears her hair down to hide a disfigurement.  This is a tough world, and the hardships are no more revealing than in the depiction of the cast.  I hope the television series stays true to how and when and if people are reduced.  Fans of the comics will know what I mean.  Hopefully, fans of the show will eventually get to see this. 

3.  Re-Write Horror.  Like "BattleStar Gallactica" was said to re-write the Space Opera, "The Walking Dead" has a chance to re-write (or write) the serialized horror television show.  ("Serialized" would dis-include "The Twilight Zone" or "Tales of the Crypt" (which was only a premiere-channel show anyways).  Shows like "The X-Files" would have horror episodes, but most of it was scifi, not pure horror like a zombie apocalpyse story would be, so I am not including it, either.)  Several Stephen King (that name keeps coming up) attempts have been made recently, but the closest thing to recent horror-as-a-television-show I remember seeing was the first season of "Supernatural."  It would be really nice if "The Walking Dead" could become that first great horror show.  It has all the essentials, such as...

4.  Zombie vs. Wild.  What originally attracted me to the comics was the "survival" aspect.  Of course, "Survival" is becoming more and more synonymous with zombie, as shown in George Romero's "Survival of the Dead" and "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks (son of Mel.)  But "The Walking Dead" is not a comedy.  Its survival has a definite philisophy.  As the book jackets for "The Walking Dead" read:  How many hours are in a day when you don't spend half of them watching television?  When is the last time any of us REALLY worked to get something that we wanted?  How long has it been since any of us really NEEDED something that we WANTED?...In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to finally start living.

5.  Please Be Scary.  I don't want "The Walking Dead" to go the way of "Godzilla" or "Monsters."  If it isn't scary (or at least really, really bad ass), then it isn't a monster.  So far, the zombies in the trailers and posters look scary enough.  We will know on Halloween.

6.  Keep Off Total Drama Island.  I really like how the comics explore relationships in light of an apocalypse.  That is a deep well, and there is a lot of human drama to be mined there, but sometimes I wonder if there is a 3-page/10 panel drama rule.  The comics isn't allowed to go 3 pages or 10 panels without somebody yelling or shrieking or getting into a fight or balling or... you get my point.  The story needs the drama.  Sometimes it is overkill, and if Darabont can temper it while bringing it to television, I will be a happy man.

Happy Halloween, and I hope you enjoy the zombie apocalypse!

I had a weird experience tonight.  I was tired and alone since the family was at a school function, so I decided to sit down and watch a horror movie.  I pulled up On Demand and hit the Same Day As Released section.  This is a cool section if, like me, not all good movies come to your area of the woods.  On the Same Day as Released, I once saw a movie called "Red" - no, not the Bruce Willis movie about CIA agents, but the movie about an old recluse who seeks vengeance on a couple of whiny teens.  You know the kind - think they own the world and nothing can get in there way.  Well, one day they kill this old man's beloved dog, and then the kids get what's coming to them.  It's a nice movie - not one of the year's best - but the kind of movie that would never have come to my part of Houston. 

Last night I watched Monsters - a shocking movie if you consider it was made for $15K.  It was another nice movie.  At times it seemed like it was trying too hard to send a message, but there are several scenes that are very magnetic.  I know this movie will be compared to District 9, which is understandable.  They both play to the same tunes, though District 9 looks and feels cleaner. 

Like District 9, Monsters excels at showing the viewer modern-day carnage and attributing it to something fantastical - in this case, the Creatures - giant daikaiju aliens that have taken over most of Northern Mexico.  At one point in the movie, however, I was looking at the carnage and I thought "man, that looks like Bolivar/Galveston from after Hurricane Ike."  Once the credits rolled, it was confirmed:  A special thanks to Galveston. 

It was weird seeing wrecked neighborhoods played up as attacked by giant monsters.  Not to try and get too metaphorical (??? - MetaPHYSICAL Maybe?) about it all, but I do think that by using actual footage, movies like District 9 and Monsters are trying to say something about the carnage wrecked on humanity.  In District 9, it is the atrocities of humanity on humanity.  In Monsters, it is the crimes of nature on mankind, so I guess it is appropriate that a location that was razed by a hurricane is used in the film.  It was just a little unsettling.  Maybe that's a good thing.

Shows I'm digging right now:

Sons of Anarchy:  Did you like the great cameo by Stephen King?  What about the biker buried in the ground to his head while the Sons raced around him?  These are the things that keep me coming back to watch this show.  I am still trying to get the Hamlet of SOA worked out (beyond the obvious ties).

Project Runway:  I am a huge fan of PR.  It is one of the best competition shows out there.  The last episode I watched had Gretchen, Andy, and Mondo in the top 3.  This makes me wonder if these will be the eventual top 3. 

I took a little pleasure from Michael C. hanging in the competition longer than Ivy.  I did not like how she and many of the others dogged Michael's abilities even after he won two competitions.  It shows that sometimes you just have to do your work and not worry about the naysayers.

Survivor:  I love football, so I love the addition of Jimmy Johnson.  I wonder how long he will stay in the competition, and I hope it is longer rather than earlier. 

Seeing the way people are shooting themselves in the foot, though, makes me long for the days of players  who actively controlled the game.  There are a lot of people standing around and trying their best to not make moves.  May be a good strategy, but it's not the best television.

Looking forward to:  Supernatural, Amazing Race. 

Happy Fourth of July, Everyone!

It is July 4th, the big weekend for summer movies.  It's also the half-way point in the summer schedule.  I have spent too much money on popcorn and coke, but I saw plenty of movies.  Check that:  plenty of mediocre movies.  I'm not sure what's going on, but there was a lot of "okayness" at the theaters over the past 2 months and not much in the unforgettable realm.  Here are my notes so far, according to how I had ranked movies going into the summer season.  Numbers in (parentheses) are the old rankings.  Otherwise, the rankings fit for seven movies instead of twenty.

5 (16) Eclipse

Stars: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart

I would have called myself Team Eclipse prior to this movie coming out.  But the first Twilight movie was better.  Half-way through the movie, Jasper gets a Southern accent.

6 (13) Jonah Hex

Stars: Josh Brolin, Megan Fox

I had high hopes for this film, which I don't think was as bad as critics made it out to be.  I originally liked the idea of a movie one part Sergio Leone and one part Constantine, but it wasn't much of either.  It was a standard shoot-em up movie.  There was a lot of unrealized potential, though Josh Brolin was excellent as Jonah Hex.

(10) Predators

Stars: Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Danny Trejo, Laurence Fishburne

Just wanted to say that I am looking forward to this one more and more...

4 (9) Knight and Day

Stars: Cruise and Cameron, based on the poster

"This looks like a slick, fun thrill ride," I said.  What do you know?  It was.

3 (8) A-Team

Stars: Sharlto Copley, Bradley Cooper, that MMA fighter, and Liam Neeson

I really enjoyed this escapist movie.  One of my favorites from the summer, so far.

7 (6) Splice

Stars: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polly

The big surprise of the summer.  I walked out of this one.  It was praised by critics, but I got bored.  Two scientists develop a human/animal hybrid that sometimes looks like a girl with kangaroo feet and other times looks like a girl with a beluga melon head.

2 (5) Toy Story 3

Disney/Pixar keep their perfect track record.  My wife made the comment that it is one of the rare times that a trilogy has three good movies.  Not that we expect this to end as a trilogy...

1 (1) Iron Man 2

This movie set the tempo for at least the first half of the summer.  It was okay.  Not spectacular, but not obnoxious or annoying either.  The final climax seemed a bit of a let-down, though.

With some success, I tried predicting the Oscars before the Oscar race began.  Now I want to try my hand at predicting the Summer Movie Season before it officially kicks off tomorrow with Iron Man 2.  I took 20 movies that I either wanted to see or thought I was likely to see (e.g., the family films) and I ranked them based on my own anticipation and how I think I will rank them in August.  (My narcissism knows no bounds in this little fantasy movie league.)

20  The Expendables

Stars: Sylvester Stallone

Ninja Assassin meets Crank?

19  Scott Pilgrim vs. The World 

Stars:  Michael Cera

Why am I not a Cera fan? This looks hilarious, but something is holding me back.

18  The Other Guys

Starring:  Will Ferrel, Mark Wahlberg

Will Ferrell better kick butt in this one, and from the previews it looks like he will.

17  Sorcerer's Apprentice

Stars:  Nicolas Cage and that guy who was in Tropic Thunder and did the voice in How To Train Your Dragon

Nicolas Cage also is in need of some redemption.  I thought he did great in Kick Ass.  Will this be another step towards cinematic redemption or a step back?

16  Eclipse

Stars:  Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart

Put some budget into that wolf CGI, Summit!!!

15  Get Him to the Greek

Stars:  Jonah Hill, Russel Brand, Sean Combs I liked the raunchy humor of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Not sure if this will capture the same kind of fun without Jason Segel.

14   Salt

Stars:  Awesome cast fronted by Angelina Jolie, who I can assume will only kill them all

Is it me, or does this look like every other Angelina Jolie spy/action movie ever made? Will I probably still go see it?

13  Jonah Hex 

Stars:  Josh Brolin, Megan Fox

I had high hopes for this film.  I think the idea of making a movie one part Sergio Leone and one part Constantine is a great idea, even if it does have the same basic revenge premise as The Outlaw Josey Wales or Seraphim Falls.  Jonah Hext has a terrific cast, too.  But the trailer looks bland and boring.  And there is no kind of killjoy like a boring trailer.

12  Robin Hood

Stars:  Maximus, Cate Blanchett

I like the grittiness, and I like the arrows, but doesn't this movie seem like Gladiator Part II? 

11  Inception

Stars:  Leonardo DiCaprio

Probably the best movie of the summer based on what everybody tells me, but I keep wondering if I will want to see it more than once?

10  Predators 

Stars:  Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Danny Trejo, Laurence Fishburne

This could go way up or way down, so I think it is appropriately ranked.  I like the idea of the ensemble cast.  The original Predator was similar in that regards, and this is being marketed as a return to the style of the first Predator movie, which is good because not too many people have been satisfied with every Predator movie since Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, and some other guys tangled with the alien.

9  Knight and Day

Stars:  Cruise and Cameron, based on the poster

This looks like a slick, fun thrill ride.  Killers, but better. 

"No one follows us or I kill myself and then her."

8  A-Team

Stars:  Sharlto Copley, Bradley Cooper, that MMA fighter, and Liam Neeson

Total Cheese. Please sir, can I have some more?

7  Get Low

Stars:  Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, Sissy Spacek, and Lucas Black

Why is it all the good movies about the South seem to have Robert Duvall in them?  Is he the only person who can find a good Southern story?  This movie has a great premise and a great cast to back it up.  I probably have it ranked too low.

6  Splice

Stars:  Adrien Brody, Sarah Polly

I like creepy movies and dark sci-fi, so I'm in…

5  Toy Story 3

Do I really need a third Toy Story in my life?  Well, no, but my family will probably want to go see it, and based on Disney's track record, I'm assuming it will be one of the best movies of the summer.

4  Despicable Me

Of the kids movies out there, this is the one I most want to see.  Is it me, or does originality seem a little low on the kid's movie side?  I usually expect this for teen/adult movies, but kid's movies are usually a bucket where original thoughts are poured in.  I may have the kid's movies ranked too high this year...

3  Prince of Persia

Stars:  The girl from Clash of the Titans and Donnie Darko

The Mummy meets Jerry Bruckheimer.  We'll see if Jake Gyllenhaal is as good at this as Brendan Frasier.  

2  The Last Airbender

I know this is based on a kid's cartoon, and I know M. Night Shyamalan has irreparably damaged some people's movie-going experiences.  But I think in terms of redemption, by the end of this movie people will again be fans of Shyamalan's.  This looks like the best movie by-far, and keeps looking better with every trailer.

1  Iron Man 2

Coming out in 24 hours, but reteaming Favreau, Downey Jr., and Gwyneth Paltrow looks to have paid off, just like adding Cheadle and Rourke looks like solid moves, too.  Will it end up being more bang than story?  The summer is about to begin...