Doug Goodman

Texas Horror Writer. Cadaver Dog Handler.

Doug's Blog

Hangover, Part III

Posted by douggoodman on July 11, 2012 at 11:30 PM

Tonight my darling wife and my sweet daughter had a girl's night out at the movies.  They went to go see the Katy Perry concert/movie, Part of Me.  I said I would happily stay home with my son, watch some cartoons, practice some Spanish, and play Disney Junior games.  (Note:  I have learned how to rig the "Lucky You" game so as not to always win.  Note 2:  My son has learned how to rig it so he always wins.)

At 7:25, I read a text from my wife asking "What's Up With You Tonight?" knowing full well I'm just gellin' like Magellan, so I decided it was time to stop playing Soccer Dad and do some chillin' like a villain.  My son and I would have the greatest guy's night out.  Ever.  My texts to follow:

Jul 11, 2012 7:29 PM

I ordered a couple of kegs.  Douglas is giving the stripper singles and smoking his first cigarette.  ;)

Note:  That wee winking emoticon was as much for anyone who reads this as it was for my wife. 

Jul 11, 2012 7:55 PM

Now we are shooting boar with machine guns.  I think he just knifed a gazelle!

Jul 11, 2012 8:15 PM

Guess who we met at the club?  Stan-friggin-Lee!!!  He signed D's arm!

D just taught everybody at the club a move he calls "the mater."  This is awesome!!!!

Jul 11, 2012 8:50 PM

I could be misinterpreting this guy, but I think we now own a dojo in Nigeria and a Komodo dragon.  I've never seen D play Rock, Paper, Scissors so well!

FYI - I've listed you as D's next of kin in the "anyone fights" UFC bout.  I'm not worried.  He's fighting some guy named "Silva."

Amazing.  You just can't pull an iron bar on a 5-year old...

Jul 11, 2012 9:02 PM

Update:  I'm not sure this was legal.  The cops are raiding this place.  Heading home.  Iv'e been told if we aren't arrested, we are "banned for life" from The Octagon.  Everybody was chanting "El Gauchito."  I think they think your son is some sort of Philippine strongman.  Oh well.  Pretty boring night.  How was the movie?

Mrs. Bad Ass' response:

Katy Perry inspired us.  We're going to the tattoo parlor.  Brina will have pink hair.

 

Final Note:  Here is a photo of a proud "El Gauchito" with his Stan Lee autograph.  Excelsior!

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