Doug Goodman

Texas Horror Writer. Cadaver Dog Handler.

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Apocalypse Grocery Store Food Challenge: Meal One

Posted by douggoodman on September 29, 2014 at 10:05 PM

I launched into the first day of my Apocalypse Grocery Store, a little anxious, but confident that nothing would kill me today because I made sure to put on my plate some of the more palatable (read: better known to me) foods.  So today was potted meat, ruabagas, and baby corn nuggets.

 

Yum!

How bad can they be?  They're heart healthy!

 

To help me compare and contrast foods down the line, I even came up with a handy-dandy list of categories that would allow me to rank the food.  I would judge my meal based on taste, smell, texture, sight, and whether or not I would be likely to keep eating this food to stay alive after an apocalypse.  I then added two more categories:  rabbit test and dog test.

 

 

I found a floater.  I never could decide if it was a bug, dirt, or corn nugget dregs.  If it was the apocalypse, would I care?  I decided to heat up the nuggets anyway.

 

Since potted meat is just chopped up Vienna sausages, I didn't mind them too much, but they did smell kind of like plastic hotdogs.  The baby corn nuggets were crunchy, but I could only eat three before I stopped.  The rudabagas, however, are not my thing.  I seriously felt a little ill after eating them.  I made some gasping noises that would have made Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) smile, and I was done with them.  (Unfortunately, they were not done with me, as I could still taste the rudabagas two hours later.  Ugh!)  Can you believe this stuff is put in a custard?  I wished I still had some potted meat to fend off the taste. 

 

So here is how I ranked the meal on a score of 1-5:

Taste:  3

Smell:  3

Texture:  2 (the potted meat was kind of slimy)

Appearance:  4 (despite their godawfulness, rudabagas look kind of like diced pears)

Willingness to eat again to survive the apocalypse:  3, if only because I could have put aside the baby corn nuggets and rudabagas.  Seriously, those rudabagas were nasty.

Rabbit test:  Ate one baby corn.  Three hours later, most of the baby corn was finally gone, but most of the rudabagas were still there.  So not even my rabbit, which has eaten just about every veggie known to man, did not like the food listed on today's apocalypse menu.

Mr. Bun:  Please, PLEASE don't make me eat this foulness!

Next up:  ...?

 

Categories: Apocalypse Grocery Store, Dominion

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